Refocusing and Reflecting

I have been spending these last few weeks refocusing.  I know what kind of wife I want to be.  I know what kind of mommy I want to be.  But knowing and being often times are not the same.   I am very guilty of comparing myself to others.  I am not sure how many times I have wished I could be a fly on the wall in different homes.  I want more than anything to have a wonderful marriage and children who love God and each other.  Many times we have gotten into discussions with our children about what they want to be when they grow up.  Sophia’s answer continues to be the same.  ” I want to be a mommy just like you when I grow up! “   Maybe most mommy’s would be flattered to hear those words but I am scared to death.   What things am I passing down to her?   Has she detected impatience in my voice?  Did she see the anger that flashed through my eyes when she tipped over my laundry racks full of wet clothes?   Did she hear my sigh when she asked me to read her a book when I was hoping to read my own book?   There have been many times when I have just wanted “ME” time.   I look at my children growing up right before my eyes and I keep thinking that these years with them are not going to slow down.   I will have “ME” time soon enough … and I don’t want to have regrets.  I don’t want to be distracted with petty things when what really matters in life  are the little people in our home.    I will also admit that I have not had the right attitude about homeschooling.  For months I have woken up in the mornings just dreading it.  I have been homeschooling out of necessity because there are no other options.  That attitude is not fair to my children.  For the last 6 weeks or so, I have been praying for God to give me a passion to homeschool.   I believe I am almost there.   I have been researching and asking questions to those who homeschool.  I want my children to love to learn.  I have all of our curriculum chosen for next year and I am so excited for our children!!    I have a soft voice ( which I have always despised ) but a soft voice can speak mean words and speak in a mean tone.   I want the law of kindness to flow out of my mouth.  This is how I desire my children to be as well but they must have an example to follow!   I do not smile easily.  I don’t have a sparkle in my eye at all times.  In fact, I am a really intense person and I think deeply and I often get lost in my thoughts.   So, I have been challenging myself to catch my children’s eye and smile at them as much as possible.  The way their eyes light up and the way they smile so quickly back at me melts my heart.   I feel as though the lens I have been looking through in life has been unfocused … and God is adjusting that lens and refocusing it and what is so crisply focused before me is my best friend, Bob and my three children sent straight from God: Samuel, Sarah and Sophia.  Well, these are just some of my random thoughts … and here are some random pictures I have taken recently.

My handsome boy.   I have so enjoyed the weather warming up here and watching Samuel play outside with sticks and playing Ninja against an imaginary person.  He likes to set up plastic army men and dinosarus outside and have an all-out battle with them.   He has been training our puppy to do tricks.  Last night I laid down with him for a few minutes before he fell alseep and we read a book about weather and all of his questions were making me dizzy.  : )

Now, how in the world can I deny these eyes??  I am in the kitchen so much and when Sophia looks up at me with her dark brown eyes and says, “Mommy can I be your helper?” how can I possibly say no??  This girl has such a spunky personality and is eagar to please.   I am in love with this girl!!

My sweet, sweet Sarah.  My angel girl.  My daughter who states daily that she is “God’s Little Girl”.  She has been such a joy.   I just love snuggling with this precious girl at night … hearing her pray for our puppy and for her Mama and Papa.

I LOVE doing my girls hair!!   I have always had this motto: “No Bow, No Go!”.  Ever since these girly girls were born, they had bows and ribbons in their hair.  Last year we had a little incident with Sophia’s hair and a pair of scizzors … well, she ended up with bangs from ear to ear … it is finally growing out.

I just love this picture … the girls are best little friends.  Sometimes when they are whispering to each other, my husband will sneak up and pretend to be eavsdropping on them and it sends them running and giggling.

God bless you all!